


Saudade

by RuinousScribe



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: A little bit of fluff, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 11:11:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15411633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuinousScribe/pseuds/RuinousScribe
Summary: a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work to be posted on AO3 and it is also cross-posted on wattpad under the one shot book Aeipathy 
> 
> i swear it isn't even that sad, the title is just too angsty for its own good. also, this is my first ever Jeongcheol fic
> 
> !!! EDITED: or maybe it is !!!
> 
> PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME

 

 **Saudade**  
[ **soh-DAH-duh** ]  _noun_

**Origin: Portuguese** **ㅡ** **yearning**

_a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent_

**Pairing: Choi Seungcheol | Yoon Jeonghan**

**ㅡ**

"Why did that stupid hat have to place me away from you?" Jeonghan grumbled indignantly as he and his best friend casually strolled along the halls. He glared down at his green tie and pouted. It wasn't  _fair_.

Coming from pure blood lineages, the two boys were expecting more things in common when they had been invited to Hogwarts. However, things did not go as planned and Seungcheol thought Jeonghan's face looked comical when the sorting hat had placed the latter in Slytherin a few minutes after placing himself in what stereotypically was the rival house. The moment he was done, Jeonghan had stomped his way towards Seungcheol grumbling and pouting and looking so adorably livid that Seungcheol had to stifle a laugh that would most likely have set off the flaming brunette.

The pair had been best of friends for almost as long as they've known each other (their years in diapers didn't count since neither had a rationally-thinking brain, yet), meeting through the friendship of their mothers. Seungcheol had taken the job of being a guardian to Jeonghan after judging for himself that the younger was in dire need of assistance in almost anything. His clumsiness got worse once his prowess in the dark arts started to manifest seeing as he had even less experience in controlling that. Jeonghan, on the other hand, didn't pass up the chance of being pampered and swore to never leave Seungcheol's side when the said boy offered his proposal. And they have been inseparable ever since. Well, until high school, apparently.

Jeonghan let out a soft gasp when he was roughly pulled to the side by Seungcheol. The former had narrowly avoided colliding with a very stressed looking Chan who was rushing past people with a stack of books in his arms, completely obscuring his vision. Seungcheol had seen the boy coming, and had also taken notice of Jeonghan who was too busy subjecting his uniform to a fierce stare full of blame to see said boy. He had tugged at Jeonghan's sleeve without warning and maybe with a little too much force causing the brunette to collide against his side with a huff.

Jeonghan regained his balance and lightly pushed himself off his best friend before they continued walking in a much closer proximity. Clearing his thoughts, he turned to look at Seungcheol, going back to their conversation, or what seemed like his anger-laced monologue. "Can't we switch or something?"

"You know that's not how it works, Jeonghannie." Seungcheol laughed, successfully adding fuel to the fire in Jeonghan's eyes. This was a serious matter, why wasn't he more concerned?

"Of course, you'd say that," Jeonghan huffed and crossed his arms. "It's just not fair how you're in Gryffindor. I don't even care about not being together anymore," that earned a choked sound from Seungcheol. "It just isn't fair because you don't fit that house."

"Gee, thanks," Seungcheol spoke dryly after overcoming his embarrassment over the younger's words. "It's nice to know how much faith you've got in me."

Jeonghan bit back a smile at Seungcheol's sulky expression. Okay, maybe he exaggerated a bit. He could definitely see the Gryffindor in his strong, warm-hearted friend. Seungcheol was always willing to lend a helping a hand, always eager to take up a challenge, and often charmingly stupid for his own good. Jeonghan had once seen the three traits in action when Seungcheol decided to try and 'save' an old woman's cat when the feline had decided to climb a tree in his backyard. By trying to climb the tree the same way the cat did instead of fetching a ladder from the tool shed just a few meters away. He had to patch up the confused boy afterwards given the many scratches he was gifted by the black monstrosity, completely ruining Jeonghan's idea of felines ever since.

And, admittedly, he understood why he was placed in Slytherin. With his equally charming manners and angelic smile one would think he'd belonged in the same house as Seungcheol, or maybe his wit would've landed him a seat with Wonwoo in Ravenclaw, or maybe his guileless features could've gotten him to Hufflepuff with the ball of sunshine known as Seokmin.

No.

Jeonghan wasn't a guardian angel (but he wouldn't pass up the offer to be Seungcheol's) or that pure heavenly being that practically leaked goodness ー he liked to think himself more of the warrior-fighting-type who usually came when trouble is near, being too selfish and arrogant to actually mingle with humanity under normal circumstances. He knew how to manipulate people, not in a bad way, but in a way that made you want to do anything he'd ask of you. Maybe he wasn't bewitching enough to confuse the hat (or just a tad bit much).

"I do have faith in you," Jeonghan finally spoke softly as they found a seat under the cool shade of a tree. "It's me that I don't have faith in, Cheol. I'm bound to mess up everything without you." 

The anger was subsiding and all the repressed anxiety was rising to the surface. Jeonghan was never one to express his sadness or fears to people, but Seungcheol wasn't just anybody. It was only with him that he could confide his deepest darkest secrets and worries.

" _And you'll probably find more pleasant friends there and finally let go of a burden such as myself._ " He bit his lip from bitterly relaying his thoughts, but he couldn't ever fool Seungcheol in this state. It's as if the older was oblivious to whenever Jeonghan was faking emotions yet could see right through to all those that were real. Hanging his head, he fought to draw back the tears forming around the corners of his eyes as he waited for Seungcheol to speak.

"I'm not leaving you, Hannie. I'm never going to stop being your best friend. I'm never going to stop looking after you."  _Looking at you, and only you._

Berating himself for the unsaid words, he gently lifted Jeonghan's head to face him, with a gentle finger to his chin. "I'm not going to leave you unless you  _want_  me to."

"I'd  _never_  want you to leave me!" Was Jeonghan's automatic response, sounding both defensive and offended at Seungcheol's accidental accusation. He blinked rapidly, trying to un-blur the image of Seungcheol before him, causing the tears to make their way down his smooth cheeks.

" _A - ah_ ," Seungcheol felt and saw how Jeonghan's cheeks flushed a rosy hue when he gently wiped away the tears from the younger's face. Jeonghan flushed a deeper shade of red at the sound of Seungcheol's hearty laugh and at the sight of his warm smile. He'd always liked to think that smile was only for him.

"Don't cry, Hannie. You know I can't stand it when you do," Seungcheol pleaded, slightly pouting as the younger's tears failed to cease.

Jeonghan tried in vain to stop the tears but he couldn't and he sniffed in frustration. "I'm trying, but I still feel sad, Cheollie..."

"What can I do to make you feel better?" Seungcheol took the bait, eagerly holding onto Jeonghan's hands and looking into his eyes giving Jeonghan the mental image of a puppy eager to please his master.

"Do you really need to ask?" Jeonghan smiled as Seungcheol shook his head at himself. The latter stood up and dusted himself off before offering a hand to the still sniffling brunette.

"Ice cream it is, then."

* * *

 

"You're going to burn a hole through his skull if you keep that up," Hanbin spoke robotically not even bothering to look up from his book as he regarded Jeonghan who, sure enough, was staring intensely at the back of Seungcheol's head.

Jeonghan shook his head in a futile attempt to rid him of his current thoughts, his newly dyed lilac tresses swaying softly with the movement. "Shut up, Kim, I wasn't even looking at him."

" _Right_."

"I wasn't!" Hanbin shut his book with a sigh and lifted an eyebrow at the long-haired boy in front of him.

"I was looking at ー at ー" Jeonghan's eyes flickered back and forth from his classmate to the table directly behind the boy. Finally spotting a plausible option, he blurted, "Jiwon! I - I was looking at J - Jiwon." His cheeks flushed as Hanbin narrowed his eyes at him as if challenging him to say the name again.

"You were looking at  _Jiwon_?" The name slipped off Hanbin's tongue as if it were meant to be said by the boy in a setting not appropriate for underage viewers and Jeonghan cringed at the mental images. Internally slapping himself, he sighed at his bad decision.

"I was looking at Cheol," he mumbled out before stuffing his face with his now cold dinner. Hanbin nodded, looking smug as he went back to reading his book.

"You know, you  _could_  approach him and just, oh, I don't know, talk?" From beside Jeonghan, Minghao joined the conversation.

His fluffy blond hair and cherubic face didn't set off the warning bells in Jeonghan's mind when they had first met, but he now knew first-hand just how blunt the Chinese boy could be. Of course, never as bad as Junhui. To no one's surprise those two were inseparable since day one and when together, people tended to avoid speaking unless spoken to. It wasn't an official rule, but it might as well have been seeing as one could be subject to the judging and calculating gaze of the duo, the older's always seeming a tad bit malevolent, if even a small whimper was made by the unwelcome victim.

Jeonghan shook his head at Minghao's suggestion. It wasn't that easy. He'd known Seungcheol for what's going past 15 years and only now has he realized his feelings. All thanks to his new friend, Jisoo, whom he had met by chance when he had collided with the latter during one of his Avoid-Choi-Seungcheol-Episodes. Jisoo, or Joshua as he preferred to be called, panicked over the hyperventilating Jeonghan and had demanded to understand the situation, refusing to leave until he was sure it wasn't their physical collision that triggered Jeonghan's panic attack. Needless to say, he was able to squeeze out all the details from Jeonghan and, piecing everything together, helped (was it really a blessing?) Jeonghan realize that he'd long since fallen in love with his best friend.

After the words had left Joshua's mouth (he had said it slowly as if talking to an illiterate child, easing Jeonghan into his realization and Jeonghan was eternally grateful) Jeonghan wanted to be swallowed up by the earth and yet jump to the heavens in joy at the same time. He felt just like he did after their first meeting in physical education back in his first year. His belly did flips and his mouth dried up in anxiety.

No, this was bad.

Jeonghan had always been focused and prepared on most things (it seemed as if he was a lazy brat only when Seungcheol was around) and now he wasn't. Falling in love with Seungcheol was never in his life plan. This changes everything and a fault in the system isn't something he was good at working with.

However, things could not be undone, so all he could do was accept the fact that he's in love with a boy who would never see him as more than a younger brother.

To keep his sanity during classes and in a desperate attempt to keep Seungcheol off his mind, he had willed himself to avoid any encounters with Seungcheol during class hours. He had truly been trying his best! Especially that one time he climbed back up steps to avoid Seungcheol, who was walking up those very steps while talking animatedly to Soonyoung, only to have the stairs change courses once he was about to walk down the clear path. He had burst into his class late and out-of-breath causing some of the students to snicker before an irritated Junhui shut them up with a loud purposeful cough and a not-so-subtle glare.

Alas, the world was not so kind. No matter how hard he tried, he craved to see Seungcheol ー with his pale white skin, and his lips that were always a shade of ruby red ー and to hear his voice, especially when it was to say his name in that rich timbre that now made Jeonghan weak in the knees. He missed having someone to be able to turn to no matter what because now he felt as if he had to be so much more careful around the things he told Seungcheol and it was driving him insane. Sometimes, all he wanted was to blurt out his feelings and get it over with, but then the more rational side of him wins and he tells himself to get his head out of the clouds ー there's just no way Seungcheol would feel the same way.

As Jeonghan gathered the few notebooks he had taken with him to the dinner table, he felt his heart throb and his head pound the moment he caught a whiff of that wonderful scent. Seungcheol always smelled so good and he'd had his fair share of cuddles when they were younger to have the smell of the other engraved into his memory. He licked his dry lips and prepared himself to look up.

"Hannie," Seungcheol called out sweetly from behind Hanbin making the brunette jump in his seat and turn to glare at Seungcheol who was oblivious to the knowing looks coming from the remaining occupants on the table as he locked his gaze in his best friend.

"Hmm?" Jeonghan hummed non-commmiteddly as he tied a neat black bow around his notebooks before looking up at Seungcheol. He silently gasped at the intensity of the other's gaze before laughing out loud. "What is it?"

"I - I'll walk you to the common room," Seungcheol stuttered, suddenly bashful. He dove forward and, accidentally elbowing Hanbin, grabbed Jeonghan's books before making his way to the doors.

"Y - Yah! Choi Seungcheol, wait a minute!" Jeonghan called after him after apologizing to a very pissed looking Hanbin ("Get your damn boyfriend in check, will ya?"). Struggling to catch up to Seungcheol who was speed walking on the other side of the huge dining table, Jeonghan clumsily gathered up his robes and huffed.

He almost ran into Seungcheol when he had followed the latter around a corner, not expecting him to suddenly stop. Seungcheol steadied him with a strong grip on his upper arm, Jeonghan's books carefully tucked under his other arm. Jeonghan pushed away slightly to lean against the wall and pant.

"Why the hell would you have me run across that huge ass hall right after dinner?" Jeonghan panted lightly, pushing his hair out of his face.

"I wanted to talk to you. Is that such a bad thing?" Seungcheol smiled, nudging Jeonghan to get him moving. The younger shook his head slightly before falling in step with Seungcheol. For a while, they walked in comfortable silence, Jeonghan knowing fully well that he wasn't being led towards the direction of the Slytherin common room.

"You said you wanted to talk?" Jeonghan prompted after a while, taking a quick glance at Seungcheol through his bangs ー he couldn't seem to manage to tie up the shorter strands that framed his face.

"Uh, yeah." Seungcheol cleared his throat and unconsciously leaned closer to Jeonghan. "I like your new hair."

Jeonghan blushed and dipped his head low, trying to hide the flush of his cheeks. With a shaky voice he managed to croak out a, "Thank you."

"What, you don't think it looks good on you?" Seungcheol smiled knowingly, bumping against Jeonghan softly before throwing an arm around the other.

"Hey, I'm not that conceited, you ー you  _meanie_!" Jeonghan leaned back against Seungcheol, breaking out in giggles causing Seungcheol's laughter.

"I know," Seungcheol grinned at him before gesturing for the other to take a seat on the bench that they had unknowingly reached. He carefully placed Jeonghan's books beside him after sitting down and turned towards Jeonghan who was looking up at the sky peacefully. Seungcheol's fingers twitched, itching to touch Jeonghan's pale purple locks and already anticipating the softness.

"May I?" He finally spoke up, not being able to hold back. He twisted a few strands in his fingers showing Jeonghan what he meant. The latter shrugged, trying to fight off his blush as Seungcheol smiled and tugged at the ribbon that tied Jeonghan's hair back. He placed the ribbon in Jeonghan's hands before proceeding to gently comb through the lilac locks with his fingers.

Jeonghan appreciated it when people took notice of his hair, but he never really liked it when people touched. He'd been sensitive ever since the first time he'd been teased when he decided to grow out his hair. Then again, this was Seungcheol and there happened to be a lot of exceptions regarding him, in Jeonghan's book.

Jeonghan suppressed the shiver that ran down his spine at the feeling of Seungcheol's finger tips gently digging into his scalp as the other unknotted the very few tangles in Jeonghan's hair. He then brushed it down to frame the younger's face before turning the boy to face him again. Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol expectantly as the other looked at him with an award-winning smile. "It looks good on you."

"What's up with the compliments today, Cheol?" Jeonghan teased, lightly bumping shoulders with Seungcheol. The other shrugged.

"Let's just say that I've missed you too much to be mean today."

"Oh?" Was Jeonghan's intelligent response.

"It's true," Seungcheol's voice lowered a knotch and Jeonghan felt his stomach twist in knots. "I really have missed you. I haven't seen you in almost a week; I can never seem to come at the right time."

Before Jeonghan can respond Seungcheol continues bashfully, "You're always rushing off to do something or the other and it kind of makes me feel bad when I realize that you're so busy."

"It's really just to go and have Jisoo tutor me, most of the time." Jeonghan laughed. "You know, I can never seem to get the hang of trig."

"You always came to me for math." Seungcheol pouted, failing to hide the whine in his voice.

"You were made captain of the team and I didn't want to mess up your schedule for practices." Jeonghan reasons tugging at Seungcheol's sleeve when the latter turned away. "You know I hate being a bother to you, Cheol."

Seungcheol turned at that and raised a brow, "Oh? I don't think I was informed of that."

"Shut up, I was trying to be considerate, you jerk." Jeonghan laughed and Seungcheol joined him, momentarily forgetting about being all sulky at the sight of Jeonghan's smile.

"Seriously, though. I'm not that busy, and I really want to hang out with you more, Jeonghan." Seungcheol spoke after they both calmed down.

"Fine. I'll just have to bear with your lame-ass teaching, for your sake." Jeonghan teased but his eyes sparkled as they fell upon Seungcheol's grateful smile.

"Thank you," Seungcheol said softly after he pulled Jeonghan back to lean against him. The latter merely hummed, snuggling back into the older's warmth, his hearth thudding in his chest. He was sure Seuncheol could feel it through the thick layers of their school robes.

Suddenly, Jeonghan shot up in panic, accidentally head-butting Seungcheol. "Shit! I'm so sorry!"

He fussed over the other, apologizing profusely. Seungcheol swatted his hands away and grinned to show him that he was alright. "It's fine, Han. What's wrong?"

"It's almost curfew, you butt!" Jeonghan yelled, urgently pulling Seungcheol up. Seungcheol quickly scooped up Jeonghan's books before running to catch up with the younger who had taken off in a hurry. He laughed at Jeonghan's panicked state because the latter was just too adorable with his flushed cheeks and fidgeting hands.

"Wh - what ー why are you laughing? This is not a time to be laughing! It's your fault we're going to be late ー  _fuck_! What if they lock us out of our rooms? Where the hell are we, anyway? Oh, no, I can't sleep in these cold creepy halls, Seungcheol! I ー"

"Hannie, calm down." Seungcheol chuckled taking one of Jeonghan's hands in his and giving it a light squeeze. "They aren't going to lock us out; we've got at least 10 more minutes before they even start checking rooms. Besides we're close to the dorms and I know where we're going."

Jeonghan managed to calm down after hearing the calmness of Seungcheol's tone. "You better know," he responded bitterly, but Seungcheol could see the relief in the younger's face.

"I do, but you better hurry up, slowpoke!" Seungcheol said playfully before pulling Jeonghan along.

Their footsteps echoed through the halls, in sync and rhythmic. Jeonghan's hair whipped behind him carelessly as they ran hand-in-hand. Seuncheol's eyes twinkled in the moonlight and both of their lips tugged up in joyous smiles. Jeonghan's heart lurched at the sight as he tried to desperately engrave that piece of memory in his mind.

* * *

 

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Shua." Jeonghan sighed as he rested his head on the bookshelves the pair were leaning against.

It was lunch and lately, the two had been spending most of their time in the corner of the great library. Jeonghan always made the wrong decision of eating snacks in between classes as he was walking to them, making him full enough to skip lunch by the time it ran around. Joshua simply brought his food in with him seeing as the librarian assigned during lunch never really paid attention. The brunette had been calmly walking towards the library when a flustered Jeonghan practically crashed against his side and pulled him to their usual spot in a hurry.

Joshua simply took a bite of his sandwich before tilting his head at the boy who had now closed his eyes knowing he'd speak up even if the question was unspoken.

"I can't keep pretending that everything's fine and dandy when it  _isn't_ ," Jeonghan continued as predicted. He swallowed thickly and Joshua quickly shoved the rest of his food into his mouth before washing it down with water ー the desperation in Jeonghan's voice caught him by surprise.

"What's wrong, Jeonghan?" He asked, carefully gauging the other's expression. "Is it ー"

Before he could speak, Jeonghan let out a breathy laugh void of humor, "When is it  _not_?"

"I told you this was going to be hard." Joshua sighed. "It's been almost 3 years, Jeonghan! You can't keep hurting yourself like this."

"I know that. And I understand that this isn't exactly healthy anymore, but I just can't do it, Shua. I know I have to do something about it, but I can't." His voice broke at the end and Joshua felt a tug on his heart when Jeonghan looked into his eyes with ones that had a clear sheen of tears.

"Someone's going to get hurt no matter what you do, Han. I know it's not fair, but that's life. You have to make a choice because prolonging this isn't benefitting anyone." He sighed again and closed his eyes, slightly regretting his next words.

"Hansol," he cleared his throat. "Hansol said that Seungcheol's starting to suspect. He knows you're hurting but he doesn't know why, Han. Do you really want to keep lying to him every time?"

"Well, what do you expect I do? Do you want me to tell him that he's the reason I'm hurting? I can't just ー"

"Yes. Yes, you can. You  _have_  to." Joshua whispered gently.

Jeonghan bit his lip as Joshua proceeded to gather up their things. "Come on, next period's coming up."

"Tomorrow," Jeonghan said suddenly before the two parted. Joshua looks at him and nods slightly. "I'll tell him tomorrow."

Seuncheol jumped in his seat when two hands come down on both his shoulders. Turning around, his frown turned upside down as his eyes locked unto Jeonghan's. The latter giggled at Seungcheol's reaction before he caught himself and took a seat next to the older. He took a deep breath before looking up into Seungcheol's curious eyes.

"Hi."

"H – Hi?" Seungcheol sputtered incredulously. "That's all you have to say?"

"Cheol, listen –"

"No, you listen, Jeonghan. You can't suddenly disappear like that and pretend like it never happened!" Seungcheol burst, suddenly standing up. He shook his head as he paced around, a sign of anxiety that didn't go unnoticed by the seated boy who was trying to keep his own nerves at bay. "How could you do that to me? I tried everywhere, I asked everyone and – and I felt like such a fool when I realized that you'd just been avoiding me.

"I tried to talk to you so many times; I waited for you after class for weeks. I – I only stopped because of Quidditch practices and I'd been told off by the seniors. We have only two classes together and that barely equates to 3 hours of seeing you every week. Not to mention the fact that you always bolt like the hounds of hell are on your tail when our eyes meet.

"I waited for you every week in the library hoping you'd show up. I asked your housemates where you were. I couldn't focus on anything because I was hell bent on trying to figure out what the fuck I had done wrong.

"But, the worst part of all of that," Seungcheol's tone softened when he caught sight of Jeonghan who looked close to tears. "The worst part was that you were hurting and I didn't know. You don't know how  _fucking_  painful it is to know that we've distanced to the point that you can't even come to me when you're in pain, Hannie. It fucking  _hurts_."

At this point, they were both in tears and Jeonghan thought they must've looked comical to passersby – two boys crying in an isolated gazebo in the middle of the day – but he couldn't find himself caring less. Seungcheol leaned against a pillar, a hand coming up to furiously rub his eyes rid of the tears. Jeonghan clenched his fists before taking another deep breath to calm himself.

"I'm sorry." He croaked out weakly making Seungcheol lift his head. His heart clenched painfully at the sight of Jeonghan pressing his lips in a thin line in a desperate attempt to suppress the whimpers and hiccups that bubbled up. The younger was soon gasping for breath and Seungcheol was quick to gather him in in his arms and calm him down.

"Shh, Jeonghan, breathe." He gently leaned Jeonghan against him before smoothing out the other's blond locks that had clung to his flushed face in perspiration. With an arm around Jeonghan's shoulders, Seungcheol held both of Jeonghan's trembling hands in his. "Calm down, Hannie."

"I'm so sorry," Jeonghan cried. His shaking fingers grabbed a firm hold unto Seungcheol's as he tried to get a hold of his emotions.

"I didn't knowー" Jeonghan continued after a short coughing fit. "God  _knows_  I didn't intend to hurt you. Please, remember that. I don't  _ever_  want to hurt you, Cheol."

"Then,  _why_?" With that Jeonghan once again burst into tears. Shaking his head when Seungcheol pulled him in a tighter embrace, Jeonghan slowly slipped from the older's arms. He couldn't possibly say what he had to when he was wrapped up in the arms of the person that was unintentionally overcomplicating his life.

"Why have you been avoiding me, Jeonghan?" Seungcheol's voice was firm; he was determined to find out why his best friend had been acting strange for the past few months.

They had not encountered this problem during the last three years despite being apart, and yet when their fourth year at Hogwarts rolled in, Jeonghan seemed to find any possible excuse to not be with Seungcheol. It wasn't normal and Seungcheol didn't like it.

Scratch that ー he fucking  _hated_  it.

"I'm not ー" Jeonghan sighs when Seungcheol frowns at his obvious attempt to deny it. "It's not that I'm avoiding you, Cheol."

"Then what is it?" Seungcheol asks softly, biting his lip in anxiety and desperately trying to catch Jeonghan's restless eyes.

"I just ー I just thought you'd need some air to breathe," Jeonghan says calmly but inside he was frantically trying to calm down his pounding heart. He could easily throw around white lies, but despite his collected appearance, his blood would always pound in his ears as if a natural lie detector. He was glad Seungcheol wasn't directly touching him anymore because his pulse would give everything away ー but maybe it was a little too late for that if his bloodshot eyes and red nose are to account for.

"I know you're busy being Captain and all of the Quidditch team and aside from that you've got your classes and extracurricular work. I just thought you'd want space and time to focus more, or something." Jeonghan mumbled out still avoiding Seungcheol's searching eyes.

"There's always time for you." Is what Seungcheol says and Jeonghan feels the air knocked out of him from the words. Suddenly, Seungcheol is far too close and he can't breathe. He smells that distinct fragrance that seems permanently attached to Seungcheol's skin, and he feels the soft breathing of the other male against his face. If he were to move just a little bit closer, he could easily lean down and fit his head under Seungcheol's and for a moment he wondered if the fit would be as perfect as it was before.

As if that didn't torture the younger enough Seungcheol continued, "I will always be here for you, you know that right? I don't ever want to go any more days without talking to you. Sometimes, even seeing you smile for me is enough. I'll never choose anything over my best friend.  _I love you, Hannie."_

Swallowing thickly, Jeonghan remained silent as he fought off more tears. It wasn't  _fair_. How could he say all those words that Jeonghan craved and yet mean something entirely different? It's been a while since either of them have dropped the L bomb on each other, but it was never more than an expression of their strong brotherly bond. Jeonghan bitterly wished it meant something more if it had to mean anything at all.

"Jeonghan? You know that, right?" Seungcheol pressed, finally cupping one side of Jeonghan's face with his hand to make the younger face him. His eyes finally found Jeonghan's that had filled with tears and the other felt so electrified by Seungcheol's earnest gaze that he had to blink the tears away just to try and get a clear view of it, making sure he wasn't dreaming.

What was that he saw in Seungcheol's eyes?

Before he could open his mouth, Seungcheol gently wiped away the tears, frowning down at the younger in concern. "Won't you tell me what's wrong, Hannie?"

"I - I know..." Jeonghan whispered softly. It took everything in him to pull away from Seungcheol's gentle touch and press himself against the end of the bench, furiously rubbing at his eyes with the sleeves of his robe. Seungcheol didn't move and simply stared at the sniffling boy, his expression unreadable.

They sat there for a long while, waiting for the other to break the silence. While Jeonghan gathered his thoughts and courage, Seungcheol restrained himself from just taking the other into his arms in a bone-crushing hug. He had been having bad feelings about what could possibly be plaguing Jeonghan's mind so bad to have the other act the way he had been and he was dreading the words that could possibly come out of Jeonghan's lips.

"Which is why," Jeonghan finally began, his voice subtly cold and detached. Seungcheol pleaded with his eyes for the other to not continue down this way, but he knew that look of Jeonghan's. He was familiar with that steely tone that Jeonghan often used whenever he was aimed to have the final word.

"I think it's best if we don't strain ourselves."

"What do you mean?" Seungcheol asked slowly, Jeonghan heard the trace of desperation in his voice and the younger put up his walls one last time before looking Seungcheol in the eyes.

"I don't want to keep hurting you, Seungcheol. And I want to stop hurting myself. I hope you understand what I'm asking of you." Jeonghan's tone was steely, but what sent shivers down Seungcheol's spine was the storm that seemed to brew in his misty eyes.

Seungcheol shook his head in denial, eyebrows furrowing and lips wobbling. Jeonghan sighed tiredly. The last words he spoke to Seungcheol felt sharp and bitter as they tumbled from his lips, leaving his whole body void of comfort.

"I'm asking you to leave me be."

**Author's Note:**

> I might make a sequel for this, should I ?
> 
> !!! EDITED: The sequel is up and it is called Morriña !!!
> 
> And, yes, I do understand that I did not necessarily make them use magic in this Hogwarts AU. I simply do not believe that they needed to seeing as there was no eminent danger as opposed to the Harry Potter series where Harry was a magnet to danger (I love the series, please don't misunderstand). The choice of AU was based mainly on aesthetics and the need for the separate Houses. I had thought about a modern AU with a similar system, however, I do not believe that makes much sense and I do not really want to be a contributor to the increasing gap between different aspects of life that are present in this society.


End file.
